But...

I will rise again from the ashes,

I will love again, I know,

I’ll regain the hope that I’ve lost,

Although now I feel so low.

You can’t stop me, no matter what you say,

Your arguments are weak,

Because my faith is strong,

And I believe I’m able to move on.

Yes, I’m naïve, but I am not a fool,

I will not waste my time on you,

You’re stupid if you think that I will ever take you back,

Don’t underestimate my rules.

(Originally, maybe February 2011)

My Freedom (English version of the poem "Свобода" of December 27, 2010)

I am not needed in this world

And I will be a part of it no more.

It’s no use knocking on the heaven’s door,

No bringing back the happiness that’s lost.

I won’t get to see the sun again,

Won’t get to know that life is great,

I only know, there is no other way,

No point in putting off the Judgment Day.

All that remains is just a shade of hope,

Just cruel and obsessive memories,

Which take me back to that day long gone,

I can’t put right what's been done wrong.

Days come and go, I don't deny,

So why repeat the past mistakes?

Why keep the score of my defeats,

Trying to live without your smile?

Seems like it’ll always be this way,

Alas, it’s a delusion too.

My soul’s a mess, with vacant stare,

My faith fades out day after day.

We find the meaning in the empty things,

We hide behind a mask of vanity.

Life slips away, not giving any chance

To tell you just how much you mean to me.

And still I know that freedom I can find

If I can chase regrets and fears away.

And I will whisper just before I die,

“Forgive me”… But forgiveness I won’t gain.

Не дано

Мне не дано, я просто не умею
Всерьез, по-настоящему любить,
Не предаваться страсти и забвенью,
А бескорыстно доброту дарить.

И не искать на дне тот образ идеальный,
Что воплотит в себе мою мечту,
И не лепить его из аморальных,  
Пытаясь вновь заполнить пустоту,

И не терять себя в объятиях дурмана,
Не мчаться вновь стремительно во тьму,
И, навсегда отгородившись от обмана,
Не доверять так слепо больше никому…

И потому сама я не достойна
Любви, заботы и заветных слов,
Поскольку стала жалкой и ничтожной,
Размениваясь на презренных подлецов. 

There is no one to give me hope,

There is no one to show me the way.

I go somewhere I don’t wanna go,

Just to escape from this lonely place.

You do not leave me a choice,

You do not leave me a choice,

And I don’t know where I belong.

Stand up and show me your voice,

Stand up and show me your voice,

Tell me this suffering won’t be long.

Let me see what no one sees,

Even though I see no purpose at all.

Please help me get back on my feet,

Resurrect once again after my fall.

08/05/13

Что не убивает, то не сделает сильней…
И падаю на дно я, разрушаясь всё быстрей
Под тяжестью гнетущих монотонных дней.
Приходит тёмная ночь души моей…