With so many thoughts in my head and so many things to do before I leave, I just don’t know what to say…

Maybe someday things will be different for me and I will not care for you any longer, but now I don’t feel like it’s going to happen.

I’m terrible, disgusting and miserable in your eyes and nothing will probably ever change it.

I must learn how to live knowing that I will never embrace you and never kiss your lips.

In spite of all your indifferent behavior and disrespect for me that shows, I cannot hate you. Neither can I forget you or think about finding someone else to love. If I won’t, I would just like to end my life as soon as possible. I don’t need such an empty life. No matter what they say.

And no new makeup or clothes will make me feel less unworthy than I do when I look at you, and all I could do is only make it worse… This is my cross to bear.

But I will never forget that feeling when I was sitting next to you in your car and I did not care where we are going or how fast you drive, or how loud the music is – I just enjoyed those moments with you trying to remember that feeling, which no one else can replace.

Please forgive me for any inconvenience that I may have caused you. I did not mean it, even if it’s hard to believe. I cannot control myself and I act like a fool. I just couldn’t resist the desire to see you. I just love you the way you are.