So now I'll be trying to write here something every day. I don't feel like creating a new blog at any other hosting, because I prefer to remain loyal to this one, which I've had for 8 years. I just thought about expressing my thoughts in something like a diary, which could be read not only by me - although I doubt that anyone ever reads this blog, but at least this is what will remain when I'm gone... however, who cares.

Yesterday I staked 100 UAH on Netherlands team that played in semifinal, and I lost. Am I disappointed? Well, I guess I had sensed that I wouldn't be lucky this time, but still I did it. Like I always do when I know I'm gonna lose... But this bad luck is so insignificant that I don't wanna dwell upon it.  What really matters is the fact that nothing happens in my life. I mean, nothing pleasant or thrilling. Because of my scars, because of my stupid behavior and constant depressive style, and many awful things I said and did, which are irreversible, I've probably became repulsive for many people and made my own life a lonely misery. Now there is no one left to come and save me anymore... And I don't wanna be a trouble for anyone. Lately I've been listening to God Is An Astronaut, this wonderful ambient music that I like to plunge into, without any words or screams, just images that allow me to be carried away, to travel in space and time... This perfect alienation, estrangement, I dissolve in it, feeling so at home, so painfully good... And I think about you, I remember you singing yesterday... I didn't care if it wasn't well enough, I just felt dizzy and I wanted to sing along with you but I was afraid and shy, no matter how drunk I was... Later I will listen to that song and recall those moments of sitting close to you, talking bullshit, and suffer because perhaps I will never be able to say all that I feel to your face, the more so because you don't need this truth, you don't care, and it shows everytime I see you or write to you... It's been 4 years, and apparently I'll never stop feeling this for you, it's just impossible to stop a feeling that was so strong and deep, I think I've never loved anyone more than I've loved you... It's understandable that I'm unworthy of being yours, but that will never prevent me from dreaming... I'll be alone, because I'm not able to fall in love with someone else, therefore I don't want to make attempts to start anything new. And you... Do you feel the same about her? Are you waiting for her?.. I hope you will find a mutual love...