La música... Creo que ella fue mi solo amor verdadero y sincero de toda mi vida, pero... este amor nunca ha sido recíproco.

Esperando lo que sea...

No quiero ir a casa...
¿Pero qué puedo hacer? ¿Pasar la noche en la oficina?
Estoy triste porque realmente no sé cual es mi destinación en la vida...

Castle of Fears

I can't believe I'm here again... Maybe I'm drunk? Well, I want you to see the song, perhaps a bit childish, which I wrote several months ago... although it won't become a song.

“That castle's dark and fearsome”, - so many people say.
He, who dares to go there, will not come back again.
It is the lair of demons, they waken in the night.
People are defenseless against their boundless might.

Hey, lonely stranger,
Don’t you stop and stare.
Keep away from the castle,
Ghosts abide in there.
Under the full moon
The evil power reigns.
Beware, my friend, cause this is not a game.

“I don't believe all these lies”, - sharply the stranger replies.
These terrors and fears are your own fantasies,
They only exist in your dreams.

Don’t you be scared,
Chase demons from your head.
Don’t you be scared,
The castle is your head.

“You are so brave and fearless, you must have lost your mind.
Pray for your salvation, you cannot win this fight.”

Don’t you be scared,
Chase demons from your head.
Free yourself from fear,
And they will disappear.

Seasons

¡Buenas noches!
Yo no estoy muerto. Todavía estoy aquí. He venido para presentaros mi canción nueva.

How gorgeous is the blossom smell!
I feel it now with every cell.
Young spring is laughing in my face,
Where time has left its bitter trace…

I like this summer greenery,
Blue sky and woodland scenery,
But burning sunbeams drive me mad,
I wish that it would rain instead.


And autumn will come,
It won’t take so long
Before the days are glum,
Before the sun is gone…
And no one understands
Why I hate this fall,
But it makes no sense
At all.

Still winter we cannot avoid,
The snow will hide our confidence.
It’s time to try to fill the void,
Pretending that life never ends.

Потерянный рай...

Fall asleep, dear love, fall asleep in my arms,
Fall asleep to the music of rain.
Faraway, somewhere on the edge of the sky
You will find the lost paradise…

(Ария)

:-)

¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

Today this blog's become 1 year old.
Yeah, a year ago it felt so amazing, so exciting to create my own blog! But now... I think I should write something, but dunno what.
Everything is so different now...

Infinity of Desolation

Она идет, не ведая пути,
Бежать пытаясь тщетно от себя,
Но что она надеется найти,
Не чувствуя, не веря, не любя?

О, сколько лет потеряно навек,
О, сколько пустоты в ее глазах!
Бог, Дьявол или, может, человек
В ее душе посеял этот страх?

Страх пробужденья от наивных грез,
Ночных кошмаров сумасшедший страх;
И каждый новый шаг ей стоит слез,
Застывших солью на ее щеках.

Невидима, ничтожна, словно тень,
Так незначительна среди чужих миров,
Зачем-то любит ночь и ненавидит день,
Купаясь в море тривиальных слов.

Ей чужда жизнь, но так пугает смерть,
Которой никому не избежать;
Она твердит себе, что нужно потерпеть,
Хотя и знает – нечего ей ждать!

Что ж, пусть душа грубеет день за днем,
Пусть в пропасть катятся надежды и мечты!
Ее судьба – как повесть ни о чем,
Лишь трата времени в объятьях суеты.

О, темный ангел, бесконечный сон
Ведь лучше, чем страданья стон?!

Everlasting Dream

(Probably, influenced by HIM)

- Are you ready, dear?..

***

Come to the infinite bliss,
Just one leap into the abyss,

Just one flight hand in hand,
Come on, join me, my friend!

Then we’ll be rescued from this life,
Perpetuate our love tonight!

¿Sueño Infinito, quieres de despertarte al fin?

“¿Va la inundación detrás de mí a extinguir el fuego dentro de mí?” - estas palabras significativas pertenecen a Davey Havoc. Pero probablemente, mi traducción no es exacta :)

La imaginación morbosa

Me pregunto por qué las noches son llenas de sueños terribles; ellos asustan mi corazón frágil y hueco...
Buscando la salida y sintiéndome tan extraño,
Me despierto con pensamientos indeterminados...

Le amaré siempre...

For Every Lost Soul

You have never claimed to be always the first,
But why should you be the last one forever?!
You hate the whole world, but yourself you hate most,
Because you’re too weak to ask for better!

You’re always the odd one, in every place,
This agony's lasted for so many years.
Emptiness shows through your pale gloomy face,
Mixed with hopelessness, anger and fear.

Your eyes are coal-black; your dreams are insane,
Your love, deep and fatal, gives nothing but pain.
You try to escape, you want to let go,
You’re only a coward, trapped in a hole.

You beg summer wind to carry away
Your soul from this endless nightmare and shame.
There’s no one to soothe you and make you forget
Grim truth for a while, - and you’re not gone yet.

It feels so rotten inside,
How can you stay here?
Oh, you wish you could hide
Or just disappear...

All tears have run dry,
The sun hurts your eyes.
You long for the rain,
You look at the sky...

This sadness became your sister and friend,
You’ll never part with it, you failed to pretend.
Your sweetheart is music, the one you live for, -
Your soul's resurrection forevermore...

My Version of "Roses On My Grave" performed by Papa Roach

I’m just an alien in this life
I feel so low while they are all so high
The clouds always seemed too far away
But I’ll be released one day
Can’t wait anymore, I pray

I’ve got no one to put those damned roses on my grave
I’ve got no one to put those damned roses on my grave
Roses on my grave

(Repeat everything from the beginning)

Please, recall me
Please, recall me
Try to hear me
Please, recall me

It’s my salvation,
My one salvation
It’s my salvation
My one salvation

I’m going to the other side
What is there on the other side?
Who’s waiting on the other side?
You’ll find me on the other side…


The original lyrics you can read here

Insomnia

Why is this life so unjust?
Why do my dreams turn to dust?
Tell me, whom on this earth can I trust?
I feel so cold and alone,
I wish my heart was a stone,
It’s unfair; it’s no good; it’s so wrong!

I’m deceiving myself,
But it’s all that can help
Me to stand one more day of this hell.
Could you please tell me why?
You still don’t hear me cry,
Dear, without you I’m so petrified!

I’ve got nothing to say,
Only wait, love and pray…

Mad Race/Escape

I've got away with it again,
I've broken all the rules.
My conscience still appeals to me,
But no pity for those fools!
It serves them right, they're taken down,
But they will be okay.
I fear no more, so come what may –
That's what I wanna say.

(Chorus):

Faster, bolder, I run on the wrong side.
Wiser, colder, I really love this ride!
Deeper, stronger your feelings will grow soon.
But I'm there no longer, unreachable like moon.

I get a kick out of this race,
I wish the world was mine…
Forget the way back to that place
And leave my tears behind.
Elsewhere I will be fine!

(Chorus)

I feel so cool and so complete,
You won't even believe!
Don’t give a damn ‘bout all that shit,
Can’t wait for you to leave.
It’s fucking good to live!

(Oh, where could I get music to make it a REAL song?...)

Friday, 13

¡Hola, mis amigos! (It’s just funny how I’m speaking to myself:) )
This was written on that “happy” day of the last week; now it’s too late to publish it, but still…

Pressed for time,
Short of rhyme,
She’d never make it right,
No matter how she tried.

She’s too slow, too lazy,
Silly, weak and old,
They just call her crazy,
And her story’s told.

Awkward, foolish, ugly…
The vice list has no end,
No one wants her body,
No one can understand…
How long will she pretend?!

Hey, I don’t dissemble!
I just tell the truth.
Who can help me gamble
My soul away and through?

To hell with this routine,
On Friday, the thirteenth!

Delirium

A half-empty glass of wine,
Tonight I'm on my own again.
The window light dazzles my eyes,
I wish the thunderstorm began!

I draw the curtains very tight,
Let the dark come sooner now
to cover me with its black veil;
I'll fall into mad sleep somehow...

I see strange faces, hear a song,
Suddenly soaring like a bird;
The glass is drained, blood's on the snow,
I run and gasp, and fall and crawl...

Some noise, some light... God, where am I?
Am I delirious?.. I cry...
It's time to quit, it's time to wake,
Return to world of void and fake...

Soliloquy

Don’t be afraid,
Fear is so disgusting!
Try to resist,
Girl, you must not trust him!

Don’t forget this lesson,
Learn it very well;
You must overcome love
To escape this hell.

He is not real,
It’s a false sensation;
He’s nothing but
Your imagination…

You have never seen him,
And you should not do;
Let it stay a puzzle,
Cease to seek the truth!

Smile and forget,
Never regret…



Happy Birthday, baby…

It's been so long since the last time I was here! And though I guess that nobody's been missing me here, I come back... just to say a few rhymed words about the problem which has been worrying me (and probably, not only me), but which no one is going to solve. Well, does anybody care?..

****

Who's aware of games they play?
Everyone! But who’s to say?
Who will stop them? Please, don't wait!
Save us until it's too late!

Money... Huge, enormous sums,
Given to destroy the arms –
That's the reason they must lie,
That's the reason we must die!

Morn to evening, working week,
Hurrying up, but don't know where,
We can't change it, we’re too weak,
Drifting... What waits for us there?
Tide will carry us to nowhere...

Damned by cruel destiny,
Town that was just meant to be
Sacrificed to feed their greed,
To become a cemetery...

Does it matter who's to blame?
He won't be punished, anyway
For thousands of forgotten names,
For lives not lived which burnt in flame,
For broken hopes and dreams erased...

It has always been this way:
They rule, they slay, but never pay.
There is no justice; But one day
Their sins and crimes will all unfold...

Let's wait and hope for better world!

To A Stranger...

Wake me
From this endless dream,
Don’t break me,
I’ve been sleeping for so long…
Help me find where I belong.

Heal me,
In this crowded place
Just hear me,
Notice me, don’t pass me by,
Say, it’s gonna be alright...

Lead me
From darkness to the light,
Don’t leave me,
Save me when all hope is gone,

Please, don’t let me be alone!

Waiting In Another World

Long ago I wrote these English lyrics for a well-known Russian song. Actually, the words and the meaning of it were absolutely different. But I just couldn't get rid of my traditional idea...

In the world of hate and lies
He is spending days and nights,
And his kindness.
She knows, he misses her blue eyes,
They can see through his disguise,
He's so helpless.

Looking at her picture,
He can't hold back tears,
Runs away just to escape his fears...

I can't stop thinking of you,
Every minute's like a hell;
Love touched me once in my life,
It was first and farewell.
I've left no trace of myself,
On the earth I won't be back;
But you keep me in your memories,
I know it's me that you lack...

He's remaining in her heart
And she cannot push him out,
The cross is heavy...
Still remembering his arms,
Can't get used to be alone
In this heaven.

There will come a day,
When they meet again;
She just hopes it won't be long to wait...

Hopeless?

It's such a fear, it's such a feeling,
When things go right, when life improves,
Like something's gonna spoil it through,
Someone would break it, steal it, kill it!

Good things can never last too long,
We'll lose what we have earned and won;
Just put up with this and stay strong,
Return to where we all belong.

So wistful, desperate I'm sitting,
Still hoping it won't happen so,
Believing I can let it go,
But faith is fragile, life is fleeting...

The Will

Guess I wasn’t fine
When I was alive,
They despised and mocked me every day.
Was it all my fault?
Being unlike them all,
I just closed my eyes and slipped away.

Don’t blame me for that,
You better forget
This figure of vice,
This soul made of ice.
You live your sweet life
And go your own way,
Be happy, don’t ask
Why I could not stay.

This world is so great,
There’s no place for me,
Display no remorse,
I could get no worse…

JUST A DREAM

Headlights of the car
Are cutting up the night;
Now that you have come,
I know I'll be alright.
Heart is beating faster,
Stars seem to be closer,
These feelings I could never replay;
Everything is perfect,
I've been waiting for it,
I've never felt so good as today...

Open my eyes...
Still the same empty room...
I see the dawn arise,
Cannot change the doom.
Feels like I was brought here
From the different life.
My time has slipped away,
I've lost that precious time...

It was just a dream,
Sweet and foolish dream...
Close my eyes
To get back into that world,
To live in fairy-tale,
To hear your every word...

Sometimes it's late to say "I'm sorry",
Sometimes it's late to wake;
I have to face the morning,
My heart just has to ache...

We will meet in heaven after death.
Now stuck in here, left without hope and faith...

MISSING...

I feel cold raindrops on my lips and fingers,
I hate myself for wanting him, but linger
To go and leave it all at once - I still stay;
This anger devours me inside, there's no way...

I can see nothing through mist around me,
Hanging my head down, I hide my gaze.
Everybody has somewhere to hurry...
Never notice me, just walk away!..

So fast it gets dark,
And rain becomes hard...
"Abandoned by Fate"-
That's my second name...
Don't think about this,
Accept what it gives you!
I speak and I cry,
And silence replies:
There's just one place
You always return,
Get warm with hot tea;
My dreams await me...

...I wish I could hear his voice
And see him just once!
I know that he is
Just my next disease...

THE ONLY FRIEND

She couldn't conceal, she could not hide
Her woes and her sadness behind the smile.

Talking to silence, she sends herself
Letters, confessions, tickets to hell...

That's all she has got and won't throw away.
What is the meaning of these words I say?

Alone she was born and alone she will die;
No miracle will happen, no one’s to hear her cry!

She is forever herself's only friend.
Will God ever hear her? Will he understand?

So easily love has turned into hate;
There's no damned chance to flee from her fate!

Forgive all her mistakes, fill her empty soul...
Who'll give her the reasons for living in this hole?!

Being the only one friend to herself,
Searching the remedy,
Fading to history - was this just meant to be?..